Cody, Thomas and Levi live at TLC Farm in Elkins. They chose “TLC” because it uses the first letter in each of their names. Photo by Tina Parker
By Tina Parker
Elkins — On a warm December night, Cody Renegar sits at a table on his back patio sipping a glass of red wine. He raises his hand and points into the darkness, “This is where Thomas and I got married. You can’t see it, but there is a pond over there and that’s where we had the ceremony,” he said.
Cody and Thomas Staed wed on their three-acre farm in June. Cody’s biological son, Levi, 16, who lives with them on TLC Farm, was among those in attendance.
“It was pretty cool having all the people here; I wasn’t expecting it to be that big,” Levi said. “It was pretty exciting and I was happy to see them so happy.”
His love and acceptance has meant the world to Cody and now his family was whole.
Cody didn’t have a normal family when he was a child — his life wasn’t filled with joy and he endured several misfortunes for much of his dismal childhood. But as he grew older, he made a conscious choice to work toward a better life.
A snip and a clip
As an adult, Cody exudes happiness in every aspect. He is a high-profile stylist at Studio 8 and has a devout clientele that is willing to pay big bucks for a chance to sit in his salon chair.
Jill Kinslow, a 22-year-old, University of Arkansas senior, doesn’t think twice about dropping $60 for a quick wash, trim and style. “He is the only person that I trust to do my hair the way I want,” she said.
Cody led Kinslow to the washroom where he lathered her hair and inquired about her recent break-up. They discussed the details with casual banter as he rinsed her hair.
At Studio 8, Cody Renegar trims Jill Kinslow’s hair. She has sat in Cody’s salon chair every six weeks for the last seven years. Photo by Tina Parker
He led her back to the salon chair and with the flick of the scissors, a fan of a blow dryer and a twist of a brush, he styled her hair and sent her on her way.
On the way out of the salon, Kinslow stopped at the front to happily paid for her high-priced service. “A lot of my friends don’t come to him because he is so expensive,” Kinslow said. “But that’s okay, I like it that way.”
Nicole Shipley works alongside Cody at Studio 8 and she attributes all she knows about cutting hair to him.
The two met at a salon in Rogers when she was still learning the trade — he was the network educator and her instructor.
“He was my mentor, and what he has taught me goes beyond hair-cutting,” Shipley said. “He taught me life skills, how to treat clients, how to be more confident and he even taught me how to cut a bob on a 3-year-old.”
Cody started his career in hair care as a barber and years later was accepted to cosmetology school at the Aveda Institute in Minneapolis. After graduation, he applied for a barber/stylist position at a standout salon in Beverly Hills.
“I didn’t want to send out resumes to 20 places; I wanted to start from the top, so I only applied there,” Cody said.
He had an advantage; the salon was looking for a barber/stylist. Fortunately, the owner of the salon, José Eber heard Cody’s southern accent was immediately drawn to him and after four auditions, he was hired.
“I really played up my accent to appeal to them and get José’s attention – it worked,” Cody said. “To this day he calls me “Cowboy Cody” even though I am far from being a cowboy.”
While working at the salon, he became a stylist to the stars and worked with several high-profile celebrities — this was not the type of life he was accustomed to when he was a child.
Heart-wrenching history
Cody’s mother was a prostitute and he and his four siblings were homeless in south Texas. They lived on the streets or in derelict homes that his mother found while wandering dirt roads.
Sometimes his mother would leave for a week at a time, leaving the oldest daughter to care for her younger siblings. Oftentimes foraging for food in dumpsters.
“My sister would leave to go find and bring back food for us,” Cody said. “I didn’t know that she was getting it from a dumpster until I was much older.”
Even though their mother left for days on end, she would always come back to them, usually with a new man by her side. Many of the men she brought back with her molested and physically abused both Cody and his siblings.
When he was six years old, he and his older sisters and two younger brothers were taken from their mother and placed into foster care in Arkansas.
The new home wasn’t so different from what he endured with his mother – the quintet still suffered from physical and sexual abuse on a daily basis by their foster family, only this time they had a roof over their head.
“Out of the five or six foster homes I was in, only one was not abusive in anyway,” Cody said.
Comfort in chaos
Cody is an artist, as well as a stylist and he paints part-time in his home studio, a.k.a, the living room.
He has a love for horses and they are generally the focal point of his art. He began drawing horses as a refuge from the turmoil in his childhood.
During a stay at an abusive foster home in Little Rock, he noticed a room with a framed picture of a horse. He tore a blank page from several books that were in the room and started to draw what he saw.
“When I was in that horrible home, I saw a picture of this beautiful horse and I wanted to draw this for some reason,” Cody said. “I don’t think I had ever seen a horse until that moment — I sat there for three hours on my knees trying to draw the horse. People in the house kept coming by and giving me praise for the drawing and it did something to me. At that point in my life, I had rarely received any type of praise or positive attention and that triggered something in my body – I’ve never stopped drawing them.”
Controversy
In January, Cody and Thomas attempted to have their wedding announcement published in local edition of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. They were shocked when the newspaper told them they would not print their announcement because of same-sex laws in the state.
Rusty Turner, editor and publisher for NWA Media’s local daily newspapers, confirmed the policy, “We publish wedding and engagement announcements for weddings that are legally recognized in Arkansas.” The Northwest Arkansas Times is an edition of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and its policies fall under the same guidelines as the parent paper.
The couple’s story reached people across the country and the globe after their story was printed by Yahoo News. Online petitions to asking the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette gained momentum but in the end, the newspaper did not budge on the issue.
“We have not discussed changing the policy, however, if same-sex unions are recognized in Arkansas, they will fall within our policy and we will publish them,” Turner said.
Thomas Staed, Levi Renegar and Cody Renegar take a family portrait for the NoH8 campaign. The campaign is a silent protest against discrimination in conjunction to Proposition 8, which was passed in California in 2008. Prop 8 amended the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
Photo by Adam Bouska
A healed heart
Two years ago, the couple bought their farm to give Levi a place to enjoy life and the outdoors — it is important to Cody that Levi has an enjoyable life filled with happy memories.
“I wanted him to have the normal childhood that I didn’t have, so we moved out here where he could have four-wheelers and a dirt bike,” Cody said.
Levi splits time between his mother and father, just like any other kid from a divorced household. The only difference is that his mom and dad are friends and he gets to spend the majority of the time with his two dads on the farm.
Levi has changed Cody’s life and in many ways mended it. Even though Cody never had a positive male role model to emulate, he was able to become one for his own son.
“I have healed so much from my own childhood by being a dad,” Cody said. “All of the relationship I never had from a father, I got to experience through him, just on the other side of it. I always grew up wishing I had a father – I guess because I never had one. But I can have it — I can see it through his eyes and the void is gone.”
Levi appreciates the life he has been given and is proud of who his dad has become.
“I have a really good dad,” Levi said. “I wouldn’t expect him to be so nice after having such a hard life.”
Tina L. Parker 